Last night at RCIA they spoke about this sacrament. I could tell by the questions being asked that some of the candidates were nervous about this and wondering just what to ask. I remember that fear. I remember wondering what if I don't say the important sins. The first time I did a confession it was about anger. It was an attempt at something I really didn't understand. I didn't know why I was telling a Priest my sins. Why couldn't I just tell God as I've always done? Years later I've studied and researched it more. I've read documents on it and come to understand that God gave the disciples the power to forgive, that we were told to confess to one another and how the physical action of speaking out loud to someone and doing penance somehow makes it seem more real to me.
I remember being nervous that first time. I still am nervous. I regularly go to confession every month but as soon as I walk into that booth I forget what to say. The Priest knows this and helps me...I bet secretly he laughs about it later. ;) But that's OK, it is kind of ironic how nervous I get when I do it over and over...don't you think I'd be over it by now!
Father spoke about examination of consciousness. Something I should start doing every night. He spoke about some of the saints writings on the topic and gave a great handout on how to do it relating back to the 10 commandements. He said to find out the route of the problem and not to show up with a list of everything you've ever done. For instance you don't love God with your whole heart before everything else because you are focused on money, material things, debt, don't trust in God, don't pray routinely or go to Mass. I must admit I am focused on what I did instead of why. I need to examine my sins and see them deeper as a source of something underlying. It's hard to explain what he meant but I understood it perfectly last night.
I guess it's so easy to look at an examination of consciousness list you've downloaded off the internet, pick some sins and confess them when your missing the big picture that every sin your stating is breaking the sixth commandement. I hope that explains it better.
I think I will look at the handout he gave and pick a few things to work on in my daily life. Right now I can think of a few things which I will try to work on but I am sure there is more. We all have areas we need to improve on and I pray that I am able to change.
Anyways it was a good night, I'm glad I got to go.