I am bipolar.
I have problems with my moods.
I was very stable until recently when dh and I broke up.
Lately I have been feeling down. Worrying that I'd get into a deep, dark pit again. I have been trying really hard, doing everything I can not to go there but I worry about how this will affect my dk's. Reality is I have enough support and such a great handle on my illness I shouldn't worry about my dk's.
I was talking to my neighbour the other day. I told him that at least he still has a relationship. He has the illusion and hope of a good relationship. I don't have that anymore. He said I have the chance at a new and better relationship. That really hit home.
My relationship with dh wasn't good. I had wanted to leave. I had wanted him to leave. I had wanted us to go for counselling but he wouldn't. I felt stuck and trapped. I knew God wouldn't want me to leave the relationship. For me the only valid reason to leave is abuse or adultry. I prayed to God to help, to show me a sign, a way out. He did.
I just didn't understand it until I looked at it in the right way.
I now can see His plan. I can see it.
Funny how things have a way of changing us when we understand.
I feel more at peace now...better about myself.
Hopefully I can avoid the pit now.